By Dan Moren

May 31, 2023 1:51 PM PT

The Back Page: Release Notes for Apple Reality 1.0.1

We’re delighted you’ve chosen to embark upon Apple Reality. Today is the first day of a whole new world for you, and we hope that you enjoy living in it as much as we did creating it.

With Apple Reality, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to not only provide you with an immersive experience but to actually improve on reality itself.

We’re committed to making Apple Reality the best reality you can experience, and to that end we plan regular updates to add new features, improve existing capabilities, and fix any bugs that may arise. A major update coming later this year will add one of our most requested features: the ability to experience multiple realities.

Today, we’re releasing Reality 1.0.1. This launch-day update is recommend for all Reality users and includes the following enhancements, bug fixes, and security updates:

• Corrected inconsistent rendering of sky that could make it appear white or gray and fixed issue where it could leak.

• Users can now drive on driveways and park on parkways.

• Developers can now retrieve both position and speed of electrons.

• Improved chances to encounter Loch Ness Monster and Sasquatch.

• Honesty is no longer the best policy. The best policy is now “eat dessert first.”

• Includes several patches to English language. “Through” and “tough” now rhyme. “Flammable” and “inflammable” are no longer synonyms. “Combobulated” and “whelmed” are now perfectly cromulent words.

• Fitted sheets can now be folded neatly.

• Improved reliability of weather forecasts.

• Keys and eyeglasses are now where you left them.

• Appendices, which could on rare occasion become inflamed and burst, have now been removed for all users.

• Fixed a bug where some dogs couldn’t be petted.

• Fixed a bug where Earth’s temperature rose consistently over time.

• Fixed a bug where, in certain cases, P could equal NP.

• Fixed a bug where the San Francisco Bay Area experienced a disproportionate number of earthquakes.

• Fixed a bug where rainbows appeared to contain a color called “indigo.”

• Fixed a bug where the original Star Wars films could be modified via privilege escalation.

• Fixed a bug where cilantro could taste like soap for some users.

• Fixed an issue where a remote attacker could gain root privileges over Twitter via an out-of-bounds error and $44 billion.

• Fixed an issue with Earth rotation that required the creation of an extra day every four years, but not every hundred years, except every four hundred years.¹

• Fixed an issue where Freaks & Geeks was canceled after one season.

• Fixed an issue where the U2 album “Songs of Innocence” appeared on every single iTunes user’s account.

Some features may not be available for all regions, on all Apple devices, or in every reality.

[Dan Moren is the East Coast Bureau Chief of Six Colors, as well as an author, podcaster, and two-time Jeopardy! champion. You can find him on Mastodon at @dmoren@zeppelin.flights or reach him by email at dan@sixcolors.com. His next novel, the sci-fi adventure Eternity's Tomb, will be released in November 2026.]