By John Moltz
September 1, 2023 2:00 PM PT
This Week in Apple: A soupçon of color
The iPhone 15 Pro colors challenge the definition of a spectrum. Just as well, as you probably won’t be able to get one. And Apple pulls the plug on a storied app.
New iPhone cases and their recommended wine pairings
Apple has announced its iPhone event for this year. Titled “Wonderlust” and featuring an Apple logo dissolving into probably very expensive particles of some kind, the event will take place September 12, as was foretold in prophecy. What will be unveiled? Rumor has it we will see new Watches, both Ultra and non, new phones and new, higher price points! Very exciting. And the colors! Oh, the colors. If you haven’t seen the purported pictures of them, well, you’re in for a… “treat” is not the right word. York Peppermint Patties are a “treat”. This is more like “something that is technically edible”. You’re in for that. Like a bare celery stick. Actually, one of them looks like the color name could be “bare celery stick”. Just a lovely, not-at-all-mouth-watering hint of green. Like someone whispered “green” at you from across a noisy warehouse.
This year you won’t even be able to cover up your blandly colored iPhone with a leather case, at least not from Apple, as rumors indicate the company will be shipping vegan cases instead.
I guess people were eating them? Takes all kinds.
The new cases will be made of woven fabric. Important note, however:
“Apple’s Leather-Alternative iPhone 15 Cases Said to Have Different Texture”
Yes, caveat emptor: the non-leather case will have a different texture than leather. Good to know. No reports yet on the mouthfeel.
Failing to button it up
The new iPhones aren’t even here yet but we already know which ones you’ll want and why you won’t be able to get them.
Ming-chi Kuo says you people are gonna love Apple’s biggest, most expensive phone. You sickos.
“iPhone 15 Pro Max to Account for 35–40% of New iPhone Shipments”
This phone is also rumored to possibly be rechristened the iPhone 15 Ultra, which does roll off the tongue a little easier than “iPhone 15 Pro Max”. “Pro Max” has always sounded like a new 4K tier for a streaming service or something that came with a lengthy list of potential side effects but you should totally ask your doctor about anyway.
Call it whatever you want, just don’t expect to be able to lay hands on one.
“Kuo: iPhone 15 Pro Max production lags as Apple continues to resolve production issues”
According to Kuo, the iPhone 15 Pro Max was the “last project to kick off,” meaning that its mass production schedule is lagging behind the other iPhone 15 models.
Why would Apple start making what is expected to be its most popular device last? Buttons.
The analyst particularly points to Apple’s cancellation of the solid-state button project as the biggest factor here.
The Solid State Button Project is my favorite early 2000s alternative band name and a feature I look forward to some day angrily trying to get to reboot my iPhone when it locks up.
Trailers trashed
Pour out a $8 large Coke and $10 bag of popcorn for the Trailers app. Once the place to go for ruining upcoming movies in about two minutes, Apple has decommissioned the app, instead directing people to the Apple TV app. Likewise, trailers.apple.com redirects to a trailers page on tv.apple.com.
This might not seem like a big deal, but it is the end of an era. Back in the days of QuickTime Pro, Apple’s page would allow you to easily download trailers to your Mac, which was a consideration if you had a slow internet connection (I may be imagining it, but I have a memory of downloading the trailer for The Phantom Menace from that page). As a showcase for QuickTime technology, the trailers were all encoded in Mac-friendly formats at a time when that was a concern. Over the years, however, YouTube overtook the page and app as the place to view trailers first, and video standards became more ubiquitous, obviating the need for an Apple-centric page.
Cue the montage, play a slow, sad version of “Say Goodbye To Hollywood”, fade to black.
[John Moltz is a Six Colors contributor. You can find him on Mastodon at Mastodon.social/@moltz and he sells items with references you might get on Cotton Bureau.]