By John Moltz
February 2, 2024 2:00 PM PT
This Week in Apple: Gooooood mornnnnnning, Vision Pro!
It’s here! It’s here! It’s like Christmas in early February! Not for me, of course, but for some of you. Apple’s response to the EU’s DMA legislation will continue to be in news until… well, morale’s not improving, so it’s hard to say. At least the company’s not going out of business.
Vision Pro is go!
It’s here! With great fanfare, the Vision Pro arrived today at stores and homes near you, depending on the wealth index in your ZIP code. Tim Cook took to Manhattan yet again to welcome the Vision Pro procurers and those who are just Vision Pro-curious (he even got a fantastic new shirt for his troubles).
Despite tepidity in some of the reviews, you will be surprised to learn that Cook is all in on the Vision Pro. So all in that he’s actually been pictured with his face all in one. Why? Glad you asked. Writing for Vanity Fair, Nick Bilton tells us:
“Why Tim Cook Is Going All In on the Apple Vision Pro”
Is it because it’s a product his company makes? Just guessing.
The first time Tim Cook experienced the Apple Vision Pro, it wasn’t called the Apple Vision Pro. It was years ago; maybe six, seven, or even eight.
Nine? Ten? Not out of the question.
Before the company built Apple Park, where we’re sitting right now, at a bleached oak table in this incredible circular edifice of a building clad in miles of curved glass. It’s been raining, and the clouds are clearing over the pine trees…
Man, I can’t wait to get to the recipe at the end of this article.
Despite some complaints that Apple got too much VR in their AR, Bilton thinks the degree to which you can be in a virtual environment but have it seem like you’re looking at reality is mind-blowing. Needless to say, not everyone shares this vision of the future. Some are even trying to have it canceled, like that Netflix show you like that only got two seasons. No, the other one. Nnno, the other other one.
Whether it’s a long-term hit or not, analysts seem to think the device is selling pretty well considering the price and limited supply of components, and the company managed to get people to line up once again for a look at a product. It’s off to a decent start.
Sleep aids
Other things did happen this week. For instance, Epic’s Tim Sweeney remained mad.
“Epic preps its challenge to Apple’s ‘bad-faith’ outside payments changes”
OK, that’s more “status quo” than a new thing. But here’s a new thing: developers can now request a consultation about the changes Apple’s made to comply with the EU’s DMA. That’s helpful if you’re a developer selling an app in the EU. And if you aren’t a developer, it might be a good way to lull yourself to sleep.
Apple representative: “When your app completes Notarization, your app becomes available for the marketplace to host. App Store Connect provides your Notarization-approved app in the form of…”
You: [SNORE]
And, if you’re a developer in the U.S. who gets none of these new options, it might be a good way to get your blood moving in the morning. See? It’s got a little something for everyone. Call now, operators are standing by.
Getting results
Apple also announced its quarterly results this week. The company beat expectations, scoring its second-best quarter evahhhh in terms of revenue, profit, and the number of achievements Phil Schiller has unlocked in Hello Kitty Island Adventure.
In the call with analysts, Tim Cook teased the company’s efforts in AI. (You should never tease an AI. You want Skynet? That’s how you get Skynet.)
“Apple Spending a ‘Tremendous Amount of Time and Effort’ on AI, Details Coming ‘Later This Year’”
Don’t expect the company to ship its own modems this year, though.
“Apple extends deal with Qualcomm until 2027 as it delays its own 5G modems”
Sadly, I already used “Modems, mo’ problems” in this column. Curse past me, he’s always ten steps ahead of me.
[John Moltz is a Six Colors contributor. You can find him on Mastodon at Mastodon.social/@moltz and he sells items with references you might get on Cotton Bureau.]