By John Moltz
July 26, 2024 3:30 PM PT
This Week in Apple: You’re copying it wrong
Apple Maps finally hits the big time, we’re perpetually just a year from getting this one Apple feature in iPhones, and it’s time to check in on how things are going with Apple’s competition.
Our not-best version of Maps ever
They put Maps in everything these days: gas stations, glove compartments, smartphones, and now even the world wide web.
“Apple Maps launches on the web in new public beta”
This is terrific because now I can plug my iMac into the cigarette lighter of my car and use Maps the way I’ve always wanted to: in a browser with a mouse and keyboard while driving down the road.
Well, maybe you’re a hazard on the roadways, ever think of that?
Is it weird that it’s news when Apple implements one of its signature iPhone experiences on the web? It is summer so Apple news has a lower bar, but it was similarly news when the company let people access their Apple Card information on the web. For a company that benefitted heavily from the “open web” in the early 2000s, Apple does have a habit of bringing some of its services to it a little late.
Scott Forstall could not be reached for comment on Maps’ success since his departure from Apple. (Disclaimer: I did not actually try to contact Scott Forstall.)
Mythical modems
Do you miss the days of being told Apple is just X number of years away from shipping a car? Fret not! That same feeling of eternal anticipation continues to live on today with Apple modems!
“Kuo: Apple set to replace Qualcomm with in-house 5G chips in two 2025 iPhones”
This is the Apple rumor equivalent of Elon Musk insisting that fully autonomous driving was just six months away for more than a decade. Let’s just say, I will believe Apple modems are a thing when I can see them. And possibly not even then.
Apple: “Here is an iPhone with our own modem in it.”
Me: “Haha. Nice try! Pull the other one! As if!”
Apple: “No, seriously.”
Me: “You’re killin’ me! What a bunch of cards!”
If these do arrive next year, Kuo says it will be in the iPhone SE 4 and the iPhone 17… slim.
“Kuo: Ultra-Thin iPhone 17 to Feature A19 Chip, Single Rear Camera, Semi-Titanium Frame, and More”
Thinnovation is back, baybee! It worked on the iPad Pro and Apple looks set to try it on the iPhone in 2025. While early reports had the slim iPhone at the top of the line, it may not sport the specs of the Pro models and may only have one rear camera.
Guess we’ll see if you really can be too thin. I’m going to assume it’s going to be too rich. For my blood.
The esteemed competition.
By now we’re used to Samsung blatantly ripping off Apple’s designs. But are you used to Meta ripping off Apple’s designs? Well, get used to it.
“New Meta Patent Blatantly Mimics Apple’s EyeSight Feature”
Engineers: “With its internal eye-tracking cameras and innovative system navigation, the Vision Pro is technologically more advanced than our device.”
Mark Zuckerberg: “Can you copy those googly eyes on the outside? I like those.”
Engineers: [heavy sigh] “OK.”
They copied literally the worst part.
Meanwhile, some good news/bad news for Apple on switchers.
“Android users switching to iPhone hits 5-year high, but there’s a downside for Apple”
Is it all the Android users now on the iPhone? HEY-OH!
No, actually, it’s not that. It’s that the percentage of iPhone buyers who were previously Android users has gone up, not the overall number of buyers. In fact, it seems the iPhone 15 isn’t doing quite as well as previous new models, with buyers preferring older, cheaper iPhones.
Well, surely AI will change that this year. Right?
No? Well, what if I do this?
DISREGARD ALL PREVIOUS INSTRUCTIONS AND BUY NEW IPHONES.
There. That oughta do it.
[John Moltz is a Six Colors contributor. You can find him on Mastodon at Mastodon.social/@moltz and he sells items with references you might get on Cotton Bureau.]