By Dan Moren
September 30, 2024 2:00 PM PT
The Back Page: Are your AR glasses half empty or half full?
Say what you will about them being ridiculously expensive to build or not actually a shipping product, but Meta’s AR glasses, shown off last week, have accomplished a feat I thought utterly impossible: they have stopped us from talking about AI for at least two, maybe three days. To be honest, that may be the best feature they’ll ever have.
Remember just a few years ago, when wearables was the hot new market we were all obsessed with? Before AI and crypto and NFTs and the increasingly rapid destruction of our environment? Well, kudos to Meta for kicking it old school and going full retro.
But if you’re going to keep the wearables market fresh and new, it’s time to push the envelope. Smart glasses are so obvious. Google tried its hand with Google Glass a decade ago. We know Apple’s been trying to build them for years. It’s all old hat.1
No, if a company is looking to really rejuvenate the wearables market, then it needs to think outside the box. No more smart watches, or smart rings, or smart nose piercings2. Here are my modest pitches for five smart wearables that will change the
Smart belt: First, let’s get it out of the way: Orion should have been the codename for Meta’s smart belt.3 Come on, we all know they’re working on it. Keep track of your waistline? Automatically expand after a big meal? Could they have made one that wouldn’t have been so bulky it looked like Batman’s utility belt? No. Would that have been a dealbreaker? Also no.
Smart cufflinks: Honestly, the casual cufflink market just never really had its day. But that’s all about to change with smart cufflinks. They’ve got all sorts of useful potential features, like letting you track how many times you’ve rolled up your sleeves in a day. Or…actually, no I think that’s it? Look, they’re not all going to be winners.
Smart socks: Socks make the man, as the expression does not go but definitely should. I’m always torn between buying basic black athletics socks and zhuzhing up my wardrobe with more fun footwear. Smart socks are clearly the way to appeal to everyone. Color changing, pattern changing, throw in the ability for a quick foot massage and maybe even automatically moisturizing and you may never take off your socks again. Did I mention anti-odor technology?
Smart monocle: The primary purpose of a monocle is as a status symbol, to let everybody out there know that you are rolling in dough. Look what kind of icons you could bring out to advertise: The Penguin? Uncle Moneybags? Mr. Peanut? And the only thing that says “rich” more than a monocle is a smart monocle. Plus, the most obvious advantage? Half the cost of smart glasses.
Smart anklet: It’s like a smart watch for your leg. (This pitch writes itself!) That means even more accurate tracking of your steps, helping you improve your soccer game, and most importantly, being something unobtrusive that you can wear at all times with a built-in GPS to share your location with important peo—you know what? I see where this is going and I’m going to stop right now. Really sorry.
- Unless that hat…is a smart hat. Are you picking up what I’m putting down? Which is, in fact, my smart hat, because it is too heavy to wear for more than about twenty minutes. ↩
- Aromatherapy-enabled, obviously. What, you don’t have one? ↩
- For glasses, they should have gone with something like Argus if they were married to the whole Greek mythology angle. Or maybe, I dunno, Scorsese, if the wanted to go pop culture. ↩
[Dan Moren is the East Coast Bureau Chief of Six Colors, as well as an author, podcaster, and two-time Jeopardy! champion. You can find him on Mastodon at @dmoren@zeppelin.flights or reach him by email at dan@sixcolors.com. His next novel, the sci-fi adventure Eternity's Tomb, will be released in November 2026.]