By John Moltz
September 13, 2024 2:00 PM PT
This Week in Apple: Basking in the afterGlowtime
Another year, more iPhones, Watches and AirPods. When will it ever end?! Wait, I don’t want that. What am I saying? One Apple product largely bites the dust as Apple picks up a very large tab.
Sweet 16
Apple announced most of what we expected on Monday, most notably the iPhone 16 and 16 Pro line, all with a new Camera Control button. Also on hand were the Apple Watch Series 10, now even bigger; new AirPods; and, in a startling surprise, an all-new haircut for Craig Federighi. Even Mark Gurman’s late-breaking addendum to his event predictions didn’t foresee that.
Existing products got some love too, with the Watch Series 9 and Ultra 2 picking up the same sleep apnea detection coming with the Series 10, and the AirPods Pro 2 getting a hearing aid feature, which has now been approved by the FDA. A little something for everyone. Everyone who happens to own those products already.
What didn’t we see that we thought we might? Several things, including the Apple Watch SE 2 and Watch Ultra 3, although Apple talked up the Ultra 2 so much you’d be forgiven for thinking it was introducing a new member of the line. As great as the company apparently still thinks the Ultra 2 is, it couldn’t help itself from noting the Series 10 has a larger screen and longer battery life.
But you should totally spend the extra $300 for the Ultra. It comes in black now.
Apple also introduced a mess of new watchbands. But one accessory did not get such great treatment.
The final woven
Pour one out for FineWoven cases. Just don’t actually pour it on a FineWoven case as it will probably ruin it, somehow even if it’s a glass of water? How is that possible?
“Apple discontinues FineWoven iPhone cases with no direct replacement”
Alas, FineWoven, we barely knew ye. At the company’s event Monday, Apple discussed only the Clear and Silicone cases, which appear to now be the only cases the company offers. (Unless you also count the cases that Beats is apparently making? Who is running things over there? Why do they keep making products that Apple already makes? What’s next, FileMaker designing a keyboard?)
During Apple’s iPhone 16 unveiling earlier today, the word ‘FineWoven’ wasn’t uttered at all.
Joining the words “TouchBar”, “AirPower”, and “Scott Forstall”. Also, for no particular reason, “moist”, “vibraphone”, and “kleptoparasitism”.
The last FineWoven product standing is the MagSafe Wallet, which the company presumably feels is small enough that no one will notice the staining.
This week on “Billions”
It wouldn’t be another week in Apple without some kind of EU-related action, would it? Apparently not.
“Apple told to pay Ireland €13bn in tax by EU”
That’s a lot of scratch, but as Dan noted, the money is already in escrow, leading me to wonder “Where is this ‘Escrow’? How securely is it guarded? How quickly can I assemble a team of elite misfits to infiltrate ‘Escrow’? Do I have to go to the airport to convert euros to dollars? Where do you do that now?” etc.
Ireland says it doesn’t even want the money, as it considers it a worthwhile incentive to get companies to invest in the country. Whether Apple’s investment in Ireland is worth €13 billion is up for debate.
For its part, Apple says it is always happy—nay THRILLED—to pay all the taxes it owes… as it continues to lobby to not owe a dime and organizes itself into a labyrinthine series of holding companies in order to avoid paying anything at all.
Likewise I am always thrilled to play games I have rigged so that I win. I’m just that much of a sportsman.
[John Moltz is a Six Colors contributor. You can find him on Mastodon at Mastodon.social/@moltz and he sells items with references you might get on Cotton Bureau.]