By John Moltz
January 10, 2025 2:00 PM PT
This Week in Apple: Bad solutions
Apple preps a fix for news summaries that totally solves the problem (according to a news summary I read), Tim Cook tries to solve another problem in the worst way possible, and Dell just creates more problems for itself.
#Disclaimer
Apple has a sweet solution for fixing Apple Intelligence making things up. Turns out it involves more intelligence.
The company, in its first acknowledgement of the concerns, on Monday said it was working on a software change to “further clarify” when the notifications are summaries that have been generated by the Apple Intelligence system.
What if we had summaries, but they were long? These are the longest summaries Apple has ever shipped. And we think you’re going to love them.
As Jason notes, this might still be a problem because “Apple’s shipping a feature that frequently rewrites headlines to be wrong.” Not only wrong about details, sometimes wrong about things you could have gotten right with a coin flip.
Reality: Thing is 1.
Apple Intelligence: Thing is 0.
That is not only not helpful, that is counter-helpful. Which is to say potentially harmful. And that’s not the only thing!
Tim Trump
Just as last Friday’s column went to bed, Tim Cook’s PR team announced this.
“Apple CEO Tim Cook donates $1M to Trump’s inauguration fund”
Because you always announce something you’re completely proud of late on a Friday. Everyone knows that.
Cook, a proud Alabama native, believes the inauguration is a great American tradition, and is donating to the inauguration in the spirit of unity, the sources said.
For “unity” read “sucking up to a petty narcissist with a penchant for exacting revenge on those who don’t pay him sufficient homage”, as Cook has never donated to an inauguration before.
Look, there’s a first time for everything so maybe he’s just getting started. It just happens to be with the inauguration of America’s answer to Joffrey Baratheon, that’s all. It’s just coincidence.
Lest you think it’s just Tim Cook, however, it turns out that bowing down to the incoming administration is turning into a bit of a totally inexplicable fad! Couldn’t it have been high-waisted jeans or sideburns or something?
“Google and Microsoft donate $1 million apiece to Trump’s inauguration”
What a coincidental number! How did they ever come up with that? Ha-ha! They’re totally copying Apple again! Just incorrigible.
It is getting increasingly difficult to buy computers from a company not aiding and abetting the decline of democracy. Could this really be the year of Linux on the desktop? Maybe I should look at Elementary OS again.
Or maybe I should just use the same computer I used as a kid: a cardboard box with a monitor drawn on it and an overturned tray from a box of chocolates as the keyboard.
Yeah, that sounds sweet. You can’t even get Facebook on that.
Dell-irious
Hey, Dell. Samsung called. They want their slavish adherence to copying Apple back.
“Dell dumps its PC brands to be more like Apple”
Yes, the company that got famous for razzing Apple and selling the blandest corporate designs aimed at the weird kinks of IT procurement managers announced this week it was renaming its computers. Gone are the names like “Inspiron” and “Latitude” that made you think of mid-sized ‘90s Chrysler sedans or equally mid-fashion slacks from American Eagle. Welcome instead the totally original Dell, Dell Pro, and Dell Pro Max!
What?
As smartphones “naturally evolved” to look like iPhones and laptops “naturally evolved” to look like MacBooks, this is just the “natural evolution” of product names.
WHAT?!
Man, you Apple people. Just can’t see anything outside the Cupertino prism.
Sadly, Dell doesn’t seem to quite have the copy assignment down, as its product offering is further divided into Premium, Plus and Base, and…
The naming logic breaks down entirely for desktops. Just try to read the names Dell Pro Max Micro and Dell Pro Max Mini without having your brain self destruct.
Get yourself a Dell Pro Max Micro Premium running Windows 11 Pro for Workstations.
Is someone in PC branding getting paid by the word?
At a briefing around the rebranding in December, I asked CEO Michael Dell a simple question: “What does Dell gain by copying Apple?” Needless to say, he didn’t look pleased.
What, exactly, did he expect? “Ha-ha! No one will ever notice!” Seriously?
Even if we don’t need to suggest disbanding the company and giving the money back to the shareholders, can we at least disband these names?
“Mikey, there’s no easy way to say this but the organization wants to make a change. You can keep ‘Dell’ and ‘Dell Pro’ but we’re sending ‘Max’, ‘Micro’ and ‘Mini’ to HP for a player to be named later. I’m… sorry, Mikey.”
[John Moltz is a Six Colors contributor. You can find him on Mastodon at Mastodon.social/@moltz and he sells items with references you might get on Cotton Bureau.]