By John Moltz

January 31, 2025 2:00 PM PT

This Week in Apple: Holygarchy, Batman!

DeepSeek upends the AI market, Apple has totally surprising results (disclaimer: not at all surprising), and the company looks to cement ties with people who are objectively the worst.

You can’t steal stuff! Only we can steal stuff!

Hey, kids! Mom made a big batch of Schadenfreude! Who wants some?!

“China’s A.I. Advances Spook Big Tech Investors on Wall Street”

Yes, DeepSeek’s jump to the top of the app downloads list spelled bad news for AI stocks as it appeared the new model was made more cheaply and with less energy than competing models from OpenAI, Microsoft, and Google.

OpenAI, however, is calling “no fairsies.”

“OpenAI Alleges DeepSeek Used Its Models for AI Training”

Oh, nooo! Ohhh, you mean they stole the stuff that you stole from, like, everyone? Oh. No. That must feel just terrible.

While everyone likes a nice Schadenfreude sandwich with a side of LOLs, DeepSeek may not necessarily be the one to specifically root for here.

“DeepSeek exposed chat history and other sensitive data, show security researchers”

That doesn’t seem good.

You know, sometimes it seems like maybe this AI thing isn’t all thought out yet. And that’s frustrating because it could be a lot more useful… if it wasn’t largely controlled by a collection of yahoos and charlatans.

Expect the expected

Are you sitting down? Because if you thought that was big news, just wait. There’s even bigger news.

Apple… you’re sitting, right? OK. Apple… reported record revenue for the previous quarter.

I know, right? Who saw that coming? (Basically everyone.)

iPhone revenue was actually down 1% and there are indications that the iPhone might have peaked in China. But don’t worry, because Tim Cook was right there with some soothing words.

Turns out, there’s still a whole lotta iPhone innovation coming!

There’s a lot more to come and I could not feel more optimistic about our product pipeline…there’s a lot of innovation left on the smartphone.

Whew! That’s a relief, and straight from the horse’s mouth. Sure, it’s not the first time Cook has said something like this when analysts got jittery about the iPhone, but look what startling innovations Apple was able to supply in recent years:

• Larger
• Added a button

So… pretty sure big things are coming for the iPhone. (Spoiler: it is set to get even larger. Wow!)

With this kind of fantastic innovation in the hypeline, it’s no wonder the company was, for the 18th year in a row, ranked by Fortune as the most admired company in the world.

Seriously, who doesn’t admire the ability to print money?

Paying off

Apple is trying to see just how much $1 million gets ya. And it hopes the answer is billions of dollars.

“Apple Wants to Help Google Defend Search Engine Deal Worth Billions”

Apple says that because its deal with Google is at stake, it deserves a right to participate, and without a stay, it will “suffer clear and substantial irreparable harm.”

“Gasp… bill-ions… gasp… need… billions…”

Good luck to you, Apple! We’d hate for you to only be rolling in some of it rather than all of it. Pro tip, Apple: while $1 million seems like a lot, have you considered a bribe of $25 million?

Meanwhile, Apple is rumored to be further boosting its rich dude cred by holding talks about resuming advertising on ex-Twitter, apparently because an oligarch has a sad.

The Wall Street Journal says that several major companies are reevaluating their stance on advertising on X. Amazon plans to up its ad spending as well, and the boost in advertising could help X with some of its debt. In January, Musk said that user growth was stagnant, revenue was “unimpressive,” and that the company was “barely breaking even.”

My take is that it couldn’t happen to a Nazi-er guy, but you do you, Tim!

Linux distro Debian, meanwhile, announced that it’s no longer going to even post on ex-Twitter.

X evolved into a place where people we care about don’t feel safe.

It may not be the year of Linux on the desktop, but maybe it’ll be the year of Linux in our hearts.

[John Moltz is a Six Colors contributor. You can find him on Mastodon at Mastodon.social/@moltz and he sells items with references you might get on Cotton Bureau.]