By John Moltz
February 7, 2025 2:01 PM PT
This Week in Apple: iRobot
The world is big mad at Apple, as the company gets set to begin the robot apocalypse. Then we’ll look at what just got released and what just got canceled.
It’s a mad, mad, mad, mad world
Tim Cook may be bullish on Apple’s chances in China, but is reality?
Having probably thought he bought his way out of trouble by making a million-dollar donation to the inaugural fund of the current president, Cook may be realizing he is just a pawn in much larger game.
While Apple may not be subject to tariffs, other firms are.
“Consumer electronics from China getting more expensive as tariffs bite”
For its part, China doesn’t seem to care that Tim Cook bought himself access. So rude. Moreover, it apparently subscribes to the EU’s informational newsletter.
“Apple Faces Potential App Store Antitrust Probe in China”
We got a real beginning-of-The Phantom Menace situation developing here.
To further ruin Tim’s already bad week, the UK finally did the thing literally everyone was begging them not to do.
“UK demands access to Apple users’ encrypted data”
I miss the days when talking about Apple was mostly just talking about rumors, rumors like this next thing.
I, for one, welcome our robot overlords
After months of rumor that Apple has been working on some kind of desktop robot, the company posted a demonstration of a robotic lamp that is part Luxo, Jr., part Tony Stark’s robotic construction assistants. The adorable device is shown helping the user by doing things like providing light exactly where needed and projecting a how-to video on the wall, all while being more emotive and expressive and human-like than your average tech CEO or member of the current presidential administration.
Not that that’s all that hard or anything.
It doesn’t take wild leaps of fancy to imagine this with an iPad-type device on the end instead of a light bulb. As long as it’s not following me around the room insisting I look at the latest social media panic, I’m in.
What’s in, what’s out
Welcome, Invites, the next service that Apple will probably let wither and die on the vine. The rollout of the new service this week was not without its hiccups, as users ran into endless spinners and odd limitations.
As Apple giveth, however, it also taketh away.
“Apple limits AppleCare+ one-time payment options, prioritizes subscriptions”
Tim Cook is tired of you meat sacks making his services revenue look bumpy! Be more smooth! There was a lump in September! It was disgusting!
Apple is rumored to have canceled the AR glasses project that was rumored to be in the works last year. This would have been the device that offloaded processing to a Mac, so rather than have a cumbersome headset you’d, uh, just have to carry a Mac around with you. Probably the only really surprising thing is that it took them that long to figure out it wasn’t going to work great.
Finally, if you’re going to the EU, you might want to knock first.
“EU’s AltStore Gets First Native iOS Pornography App”
Apple grudgingly “approved” the app but it wanted to make clear that it does not approve of the app or the filthy things Europeans are doing with it. Like that thing with the rubber duck. What even is that? I know they call it “rubber ducking” but why is the guy wearing the oven mitts? It makes no sense.
The company also loudly shrieked “Won’t someone think of the children?!”
We are deeply concerned about the safety risks that hardcore porn apps of this type create for EU users, especially kids.
Are you suggesting that Parental Controls don’t work perfectly, Apple? Because that truly would be shocking.
[John Moltz is a Six Colors contributor. You can find him on Mastodon at Mastodon.social/@moltz and he sells items with references you might get on Cotton Bureau.]