By John Moltz
April 11, 2025 2:00 PM PT
This Week in Apple: Are we having fun yet?
The ups and downs of the tariff circus are making this writer sick, the sharks are out for Apple’s failure to deliver a smarter Siri and this last one… I’ll believe it when I see it.
I want off this ride
I’m starting to wonder if there’s any real reason to cover the tariff situation—it’s like trying to predict the end elevation of a rollercoaster by using its current position.
“Ted, we believe riders will have to be rescued by a hook and ladder truck, assuming there are no further changes to the rollercoaster’s position.”
Tariffs were on, then they were really on, then they were matched, then they got pushed back but increased… Honestly, it might change five more times before I finish typing this paragraph. This is no way to run a country. Or even a Blockbuster video in Duluth in 2010 that somehow fell off a corporate spreadsheet as the company was sliding into bankruptcy and was still getting payroll but not required to report any revenue.
Having come up on pandemic hoarding, savvy customers are now stuffing their mattresses full of iPhones. Which sounds really uncomfortable.
“Demand for iPhones increases in US Apple Stores as customers fear price hikes”
It is odd to this observer that we, as a nation, rejected “binders full of women” but voted for planes full of iPhones.
“Report: Apple Airlifted Premium Devices to US to Beat Tariff Deadline”
What is the point of all this pain and suffering? Well, glad you asked. It’s to chase the glorious dream of American workers getting repetitive stress injuries putting together iPhones in sweatshop conditions.
“Trump Believes Apple Could Manufacture iPhones in the U.S.”
Local Incurious Inexpert Has Lots of Whackadoodle Theories on Things He Knows Nothing About
Other, smarter, opinions range from “iPhones made in the U.S. would cost 90% more” to just “You can’t make iPhones in the U.S., dude”.
The truth is that, assembled in the U.S. or not, the iPhone is a truly international device that is full of components manufactured all over the world and materials mined from dozens of different countries.
Surprise! Making iPhones is complicated! And when you create a global marketplace with an intricate interconnected web of dependencies, it really messes things up when you stick your tiny hands in it and flail them all over the place.
All of someone else’s news that’s fit to print
You know the old adage about any publicity being good publicity? Well, we’re going to test the boundaries of that.
The Information details Apple’s travails with Siri of late.
“How Apple Fumbled Siri’s AI Makeover”
… those concerns have intensified in recent years with the explosion in popularity of OpenAI’s ChatGPT and other AI products.
OpenAI says it has over 400 million users per week, but it’s unclear how many of them are other AIs. Or OpenAI using other AIs to use OpenAI.
…the AI group’s relaxed culture and struggles with execution have even earned it an uncharitable nickname, a play on its initials: AIMLess.
Did an AI come up with that joke? If not, don’t get laid off from your day job.
Despite many people feeling AI is “likely to harm them”, some are still hecka mad Apple has failed to deliver a smarter, AI-powered Siri.
“Apple Hit With More Class Action Lawsuits Over Delayed Siri Features in U.S. and Canada”
You owe us restitution for not delivering the thing that will harm us!
Not wanting to be left out on trying to figure out what’s wrong with Apple, The New York Times’s Tripp Mickle asks:
[Mickle runs in, out of breath] “I was gonna say what… [pant pant]… The Information said. Just… that… yeah. Me, too. Cosigned.” [flashes thumbs up]
Mickle claims an improved Siri will be coming in the fall which, honestly, seems unlikely at this point. But I guess he didn’t say fall of what year.
Hashtag finally
Finally (finally), in news of the “huge, if true” variety:
“Instagram is Working on an iPad App”
Look… we’ve been hurt before, so if this is…
Not much is known about the iPad version of Instagram, and there’s no word on when it might launch.
OK. OK. That’s great.
This doesn’t really matter to me either way, of course, because I’d rather dive head-first into a vat full of earwigs than use a Meta product, but if I were going to use something that came from Meta, it would definitely be Instagram.
Although… I bet they have a good cafeteria.
I could go for a BLT.
[John Moltz is a Six Colors contributor. You can find him on Mastodon at Mastodon.social/@moltz and he sells items with references you might get on Cotton Bureau.]