This Week in Apple: Forget it Jake, it’s Glasstown

Apple bestows a prestigious award, acquisition speculation continues, and set the date: new iPhones are coming.

Presidential Participation Awards

Apple has upped the ante in its bid to please our petulant president, bumping up the $500 billion investment it had previously pledged.

“Apple Announces American Manufacturing Program, Promises to Spend $600 Billion”

$500 billion isn’t cool. What’s cool is $600 billion. Stay tuned until 2026 when $700 billion will be even cooler.

Look, here’s the thing. The President wants people to buy American. And the President himself is American. You can see where he’s going with this.

Apple can.

Tim Cook gifts Trump with 100% US-made piece of glass on a 24k gold base

You will forgive me if I first read that as “Tim Cook grifts Trump”. The fun thing is, you can also read it as “graft”! Ha-ha! This is how we have fun in the hellscape that is this timeline.…