This Week in Apple: This unit must survive

Apple released new M5-based devices this week as Eddy Cue gives us a wink and a nod about Apple TV. AI continues to do… whatever this is.

Release the presses!

As was widely predicted in the days leading up to the event—like saying “Just watch, Chad’s bringing a box of store-bought cookies to the potluck again.”—Apple announced new hardware this week via press releases.

Apple put brand spanking new M5 chips in the MacBook Pro, iPad Pro and—oh, look!—even the Vision Pro. A chip that may take over your starship is certainly very exciting but these enhanced speeds are a little bumpy. All of these devices are largely the same as their previous iterations, with just some minor non-processor enhancements.

The Vision Pro, for example, comes with a new Dual Knit Band, which sounds like a Scottish folk music group.

“Laddies and jeeeentlewomen, The Stinky Haggis is proud tah prahzent… DUAL KNIT BAND!”…